Plans to get Out of an Unhealthy Relationship and Stay Out of it

Getting Out | Grace Bulabula

Not only have you realized that your relationship no longer serves you or your partner, but it never did. You have ceased rationalizing behaviors that your intuition and loved ones implored you to take heed to. The hazy glaze that once draped your eyelids has melted away. The noise of romance and affection, on full blast, has discontinued. Silence has taken place and clarity greets you with open arms. You have to walk away from someone you care about and perhaps even love deeply.

All relationships are custom-made and far from perfect. There will be issues that partners have to work through together. It’s a beautiful messy and evolving connection that infuses us with lessons, gifts, and flashbacks that are probably “carouseling” in your mind as you read this. However, once there are signs of abuse– a cup overflowing with lies and cheating and other toxic behaviors– it’s time to separate. Whether you are the one acting in a toxic manner, the other party, or both, it’s time to let go and appreciate the connection for what it was.

Remaining in a unhealthy relationship can gradually eat up your self-worth, leaving you too famished to walk away expeditiously. If you stay in an unhealthy relationship, it will not only affect you emotionally, but physically as well. Adverse close relationships may increase the risk of heart disease.

Leaving an unhealthy relationship is a rocky journey. However, if you stay consistent and prioritize your well-being, you can successfully stay out of that toxic relationship.

Acceptance

Acknowledging wholeheartedly that the relationship has reached an alarming point. Face the red flags, warning signs, and actions for what they are. From there: Forgive yourself. Being hard on yourself during a time of acknowledgement is not a good move. Take it easy on yourself. You did not expect the relationship to twist foully. We are all humans living life the best way we can and desire to connect with people. Breathe in the relationship for what it was and breathe out forward movement.

Support

Once you acknowledge that the relationship is unhealthy and you’ve forgiven yourself, recognize that you are not alone. Think of three loved ones who can authentically support you and build you up. Three solid friends can guide you out of the relationship and back to yourself. Giggles, tears, and reflection with loved ones are good for any occasion. Sometimes, it takes an outsider for you to truly reflect on the damage that has been done. Safe Horizons is a great resource to seek counseling during break-ups or if leaving the relationship can result in violence You can also check out this link for more assistance and navigation.

Remember Who You  Are or Who You Want to Become

After losing yourself in someone else or shrinking your light, it’s imperative to return to the basics. What do you like to do? What are your pet peeves? What makes you smile? When was the last time you hung out with all your closest friends? Have you celebrated your accomplishments thus far? Your identity must always be intact when you are in a relationship. Find yourself again and feed your identity. If you feel as though there is an area that you’d like to work on, do so. What goals have you abandoned that still linger in your mind to achieve? Tackle those goals and know that it’s never too late to begin something new.  

Boundaries and Starving the Urge to Lurk

Break-ups are messy and painful on both sides. However, it is important to ignore the urge to appease your partner by keeping lines of communication open. Give yourself space to heal. Once the wounds have healed, maybe you can be cordial. Be receptive to the fact that you are not responsible for his/her feelings and focus on your own. Speaking of focusing on yourself, stay away from your former partner’s social media accounts. The more you lurk, the more complicated your journey toward healing and progression will become.

Allow your conviction and support to guide you through this tough time. Remember that you deserve better, better is coming, and that you are never alone. You are worthy.

*De Vogli R, Chandola T, Marmot MG. Negative Aspects of Close Relationships and Heart Disease. Arch Intern Med. 2007;167(18):1951–1957. doi:10.1001/archinte.167.18.1951