One Foot Out the Closet
For some of us, coming out might not be the most ideal situation. It can be terrifying and not everyone will react the way we hope they will. In a world full of closed-minded individuals, it is sometimes hard to live our truth. We fear judgement from family and friends. We want to be loved and accepted by those we love. On the other hand, we want to be in love with whomever we choose to be in love with.
Who is she?
She is not going through some phase, she will not join your threesome, and she is not some over-sexual freak; She is simply a bisexual woman. She is a woman who knows she is attracted to both genders, and that she always has been. She is a woman who enjoys the touch of a man as much as a woman. She is me. It feels good to say all of this, admitting it to myself and to the world. However, it is a lot easier to announce my pride when I am shielded by a computer screen. It is not that I am ashamed of my sexuality, and neither should you be, however I have yet to come out to everyone and I am not sure when the time will be right.
Why haven’t I fully come out yet?
At seven years old, my best friend and I were caught in a very compromising position by her mom. Her mom was understandably upset, since we were only seven. However, I noticed she focused more on the fact we were both girls, and not the fact we were too young to be engaging in any form of sexual activity. She threatened us, threw out bible scriptures against same sex encounters, told us we were disgusting, and that she was disappointed in us. She made us feel so bad, I told myself to ignore my desires for girls. Not to mention she told my parents when they came to pick me up; I was so ashamed.
When is the right time to come out?
Not only has that situation scarred me, but I also come from a very judgmental family. I just do not have the time or energy to deal with their backlash right now. I feel like I am at a “finding myself” stage in life. I want to have my career in order, life in order, and whatever else I need in order. I want my family to be proud of me: I’m 27 with several degrees, but I have a hard time keeping jobs or maintaining an interest in jobs. And I am not meant to be in some office doing anything other than using my creativity, but my family doesn’t accept anything in the arts as a career option. I am pretty much the family disappointment already, but what would top it all would be the fact I like women too. Let’s pray I get my life together soon, so they have my accomplishments to think about when I drop this bomb on them. Fingers crossed.