The Double Standard of Sexual Representation

A short interview was held with a recently married woman.

Daion Stanford: For and foremost, what is your marital status?

JoVonna: I’m married now.

Stanford: Now? How long have you been married? How long would you say you’ve been with him [your husband] in general?

JoVonna: I’ve been with him going on–since seven years. Married for three months now.

Stanford: Would you say things have changed sexually since being married?

JoVonna: Uhh... that’s a hard question to answer. It only changed sexually because I’m pregnant now–not because of marital status itself. But, because I’m pregnant now, I don’t even like being touched. It kind of sucks, but–

Stanford: Prior to marriage, did you two engage in premarital sex? Do you see an issue with it at all? If so, why?

JoVonna: Yes, we did. Of course, but, I don’t think it’s [premarital sex] an issue. I don’t think it’s an issue depending on what you want out of your relationship. I think that for our relationship–for me and my husband–we’re both very sexual creatures so that just came naturally. But, if you’re somebody who doesn’t know exactly what you want, I don’t think premarital sex is the best. Because your emotions and truths can be confused. You become more emotionally attached when you do have premarital sex, and that other partner may not be where you’re trying to go relationship-wise. I believe there has to be a conscious effort on decision-making when deciding whether or not two people should participate in premarital sex.

Stanford: Do you believe there is a double standard in sexual representation between men and women? If so, how? Can you elaborate?

JoVonna: Yes I do believe there’s a double standard between men and women. I feel like men are allowed to do or say things that women socially are not allowed to do. For example, a lot of comedians say it, but I actually live my life by this: “I’m such a fucking lady.” Because men are allowed to walk around saying “bitches, hoes, calling people niggas. But when a woman talks about who she has slept with, we’re looked at as the nastiest creatures in the world. But [in] actuality, if you want me to suck your dick, I should be able to walk around and say “suck a dick.” I should be able to walk down the street and be able to say anything without people looking or posing judgment that men are usually just praised for. Another example, my stepson would overhear me saying something a bit vulgar and tell me “that’s not good to say, JoJo.” And afterward, I’d ask him why; he’d respond by saying it’s because it’s just simply not okay for me to say. Then, I’d let him know that I’m very aware that when he’s out with his friends, I know they’re shaming women and calling them bitches and hoes. And from there, I’d ask “Is that okay to do?”  Those are just examples you know? I don’t understand why women are held to such a higher standard when we are all the same human beings as men. We should all be given the same rights–politically, emotionally, sexually, physically–without being chastised. 

“I’m such a fucking lady.”

Stanford: Do you believe we are currently living in an age where double standards are constantly increasing or fading? Please elaborate.

JoVonna: I believe we’re living in an age where double standards are increasing. Women are held to a different agree than men are. We are basically not allowed to be who we are, the sexual beings we're produced to be, the outspoken people we’re supposed to be. They expect women to be weak and adhere to the egos of men. Women want to be themselves without any negative connotation. We always have to watch our tongues or watch the way we dress or look a certain way to live up to society-forced norms. We have to stand up to certain images, where I find myself constantly asking myself “who said this is what has to be?” We should be allowed to wear baggy pants and tennis shoes and still be viewed as beautiful women, and vice-versa. And if I want to wear tight pants and skirts that accentuate my natural curves and body, I’m viewed as ‘too prissy’ or a ‘thot’ or even a presentation of sex or “yes, I want to have sex.” We can’t feel good about ourselves without being sexualized. Like when going out the club, women can be dressed in small, skimpy clothing and I’d hear a group of guys say, “Oh yeah, she’s tryin’ to get fucked tonight.” But is she? Why? Her clothes talk too? Just because a woman dresses a certain way, does not imply that her brain doesn’t work or she doesn’t have substance nor sophistication. Just because I wear baggy pants and baggy shirt does not mean that I don’t want to be sexual. That’s where the double standard comes in. Women can’t be just who they are and be accepted.

“...men are allowed to walk around saying “bitches, hoes, calling people niggas. But when a woman talks about who she has slept with, we’re looked at as the nastiest creatures in the world. ”

Traditionally, men and women have been associated with separate sexual guides through life. In the past women were only supposed to engage only in heterosexual sexual activity with their husbands, therefore stigmatized whenever they would engage in sexual activity outside of that norm. Premarital sex has created heated debates over the years simply because of the weight it holds thus creating a double standard for women. I'd say, premarital sexual has different classifications.

“Her clothes talk too?”

Let’s start with abstinence, which we know involves no sex for both partners before marriage. Abstaining from sex establishes a discipline between both partners. Moving forward to the double standard itself–fornication, this highlights just how different and men are portrayed when discussing sexual representations. Men are considered to have a greater right to fornication than women; I mean, when women do just things that men are allowed to, they’re typically stigmatized. Now, this next one is for my millennials–premarital sex between both partners with neither emotions nor feelings involved–no commitment, nothing. Sounds familiar right? The less the emotional attachment, the better the situation, or so they say. Lastly, let me take you to premarital sex between two individuals in a committed relationship that is not a marriage. Sex is a part of life, yes, no brainer there. But imposing and normalizing double standards because it just ‘doesn’t seem right for women to engage in premarital sex’ with a guy or two just doesn’t cut it. Women tend to get these ‘passes’ whenever their participation in premarital sex is simply because of their emotion and feeling of love and affection for their partners at the time. Yes, affection or the lack thereof plays a huge role in sexual representation in general, but let’s face it, affection tends to be a term forced on women rather than men. 

In the entertainment industry, women are certainly treated harsher than men. Rappers and other celebrities today are widely known for entertaining large audiences, in more ways than none. The explicit lyrics and skimpy, tight clothing, or the lack thereof, the tasteful, yet demeaning music videos...all are ways of entertaining, for men and women. Women performers and celebrities are shamed for dressing in less clothing than 'normal,' see-through, sheer clothing, bikini pieces, and so on. While male rappers and celebrities can perform with their shirts off, constantly sweating, performing sexual movements on stage as a way to ‘tease’ their audience. Those male celebrities are praised and acknowledged for being ‘sexy’ or ‘lustful.’ Now the women? I mean, seriously [they're not praised]. Women have to be a bit more aggressive than men, from the clothing, to openly talking about sex, to forming opinions. Those same female celebrities get the typical remakes such as, “oh nah, she’s doing too much,” or just single-handedly endure the constant scrutiny for dressing like a ‘hoe’ or singing ‘sexual’ lyrics while performing sexual movements.

So how do we fix this? Conversations must be had. Because as human beings, we should all be valued and held to the same degree. No matter the body parts, no matter the sex, no matter the gender. Double standards exist and are being normalized every day. Are you going to live up to those standards?