PCO What?

My Body is My Sanctuary | Jacqueline Beckvermit

I was diagnosed with PCOS last year. I didn't know what the hell that doctor was talking about, but I knew it had to be something bad. My hormones started messing up once I got off of birth control when I was around 20. I won't blame the BC completely only because I was irresponsible about taking the pill on time and every day. However, my body was thrown completely off between sex, hormones, and the pill. I wouldn't have any periods for months upon months - and even though I wouldn't bleed, my body would still go through the same motions as if I was on my cycle. I'm talking intense back pain, to restless legs, to my fingers in pain. Although all of these things were going on with my body, I continued to ignore the signs which was a big mistake.

I knew something was off with my body after my last relationship. We were together for two years without any contraception, but I did not get pregnant. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean anything, but I had a gut feeling that something had to be wrong. That shit made no sense. Some time passed and I finally made an appointment with my gynecologist.  Just like I suspected, my body wasn’t all the way right. The doctor said I had Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), a hormonal imbalance which basically causes you to have irregular periods, possible cysts, weight gain, fertility issues and risk of high blood pressure. Wild! I didn't realize the emotional toll that this shit could cause; it can bring on a lot of negative emotions that you're not used to. That explained my crucial hormonal changes and the lack of pregnancy, I wasn't ovulating!

Honestly, the fertility thing is where I became frightened, that moment when she said that. Now, you can very much still get pregnant with PCOS. It is not uncommon at all but it isn't going to be as easy for most of us. Although I don't want to have any kids for another few years, I definitely want to become a mother one day. So, to know that that could possibly not be an option or being hard sent me into an immediate funk. Once I started really thinking about it, it started to make sense. I had been in two relationships and not gotten pregnant ever! God is good, but still, I should have been pregnant; trust me, my nerves were shot. I didn't hear anything else after "fertility difficulty” and at that point, I started to blame myself a lot and fall into a depression.

Here I am, a 28-year-old essentially healthy young woman that should be fertile as hell, but instead might not be fertile at all. It's an unsettling feeling that I had no control over.  The doctors told me that I didn't have the obvious signs like weight gain and cysts, but I fa-damn-sho had everything else. Body aches and a terrible case of constant PMS.

So, I did my googles and found out that diet played a huge part in my diagnosis. The paleo diet was suggested, no carbs, certain veggies and fruits and absolutely no starch. Devastating, but I knew I had to start making some changes to my diet. Now look, I definitely don't eat as healthy as I should but I have changed some eating habits because living healthy and stress-free is my ultimate goal.

Fast forward almost a year later and I feel better about things mentally and emotionally. The physical is still a struggle and although, I do not claim infertility and I never will. I'm just a realist so I've kinda "accepted" that my body does fuck-shit and I'll just have to do my part and take better care of myself. The hardest part for me has been the never-ending emotional roller coaster and the anxiety I get when I think about infertility, but I know God has all control.

All my ladies that are going through the same thing, this post is for you. It's discouraging AF sometimes and it's hard to cope with certain realities, but I promise it's not the end. And if you think you may have PCOS, I suggest you make an appointment with your doctor. The longer you wait, the worse it can get. Living healthy and stress-free is the ultimate goal. Below are some links that give some more insight on what PCOS is and ways you can manage it.

PCOS diet

Fertility info

PCOS blog